Cassie Ainsworth

Gentle for musebysentence

2009-10-12T22:23:29Z

She’s so gentle and careful in everyday life that the change in her during their more private moments is all the more breathtaking.

Stop for musebysentence

2009-09-29T14:44:48Z

She knew when he said stop that he never, ever meant it; that was what safe words were for after all.

Dominate for musebysentence

2009-09-21T18:34:32Z

She stands at the foot of the bed fully clothed as she looks down at him, his arms bound to the headboard and his eyes narrowed in expectation; this, she decides, is what love is- the baddest man in Bristol giving her full control over his body.

RP for the_monkey_man

2009-09-21T17:51:58Z

Somehow everything was different now. Cassie still remembered the moment Chris had nearly died. She'd scared quite a few times in her life, but that had been the worse. She was pretty sure it was something she'd never get over. The sight of him laying there. She'd been so sure that been it, that she was going to lose the one person she could genuinely rely on. She'd ridden in the ambulance with him, called Jal and waited in the corridor pretty certain she was going to go mad for real this time. She had no idea what she was going to do if he died and she knew that was selfish, she just couldn't quite help it.

That had been months ago now and Jal had gone off to university while Cassie had given her her word that she'd look after Chris, keep an eye on him, because really that was a full time job, wasn't it? One she rather liked actually, being useful and spending time with Chris was always fun even if she was trying to be a good influence for fear for him getting sick again. She'd never forgive herself if anything happened to him.

Right now she was cooking, something healthy so she didn't need to worry too much about the whole eating issue. She was pretty sure Chris hated all this, the healthy lifestyle she'd been attempting to force on him, but for now she didn't really care all that much.

Survivor and loyal for musebysentence

2009-09-20T14:06:41Z

She’d tried to kill herself so many times, but when it really came down it, against all odds she was a born survivor.

She knew what he was capable of, everyone knew what he was capable of, but that wasn’t enough to stop her standing by his side, cleaning up his messes, giving him an alibi whenever he needed one.

Choice for musebysentence

2009-09-11T19:01:41Z

She knew she was never going to be Sid’s first choice, she was pretty sure she was never going to be anyone’s -until she met Johnny that was.

Brother and sister for musebysentence

2009-09-07T19:01:46Z

The only person she truly missed from her old life was her baby brother, Reuben; one day perhaps she’d go back to Elgin to get him and look after him properly.

Vice for musebysentence

2009-09-05T15:18:35Z

This was never where she imagined she’d end up, in a ‘massage parlour’ back in Bristol, but then when she’d looked into the future she’d never really seen anything.

Homesick for musebysentence

2009-09-05T14:21:30Z

One day she supposed she’d go back to Bristol, no one she knew would be there anymore with a bit of luck; it wasn’t the people she missed or even the memories, it was the place itself.

cadet_cassie @ 2009-04-04T20:59:00

2009-04-04T20:02:50Z

challenge: Sound
title: Tone
rating: G
character/pairing: Cassie/JJ

He isn’t very good at recognising tone, subtleties like that are lost on him He doesn’t get sarcasm or figurative language much either. So when she tells him that he’s perfect and lovely he laughs because he assumes it’s a joke, she can’t actually mean it, can she?

“I mean it, JJ,” she whispers, looking down at her feet. “I wish it was a joke. That‘d be easier, yeah?”

“C-could you say it again?” he asks, forcing himself to look at her, both of them flushed.

“You’re perfect,” she says, “completely and totally perfect.”

He still thinks he’s missing something.

challenge Taste
title: Self harm for lovers
rating: PG-13
character/pairing: Cassie/Johnny White
author's notes/warnings: Self-harm, blood play.

He watches, mesmerised, as she draws the razor over her inner thigh, eyes closed but flickering behind lids with every cut, jaw set against the pain. It might just be the most beautiful, serene thing he’s ever seen and the fact she’s letting him watch is even better.

Slowly she opens her eyes and smiles at him and something takes over. Carefully taking the blade, he cuts a gash into his chest, reaching forward and swiping his finger over her blood, slipping it into his mouth, gesturing for her to do the same.

“We’re part of each other now, Cass.”

challenge Taste
title: Victory
rating: PG-13
character/pairing: Cassie/Tony, mentions of Sid/Michelle
author's notes/warnings: Written in second person, from Tony's POV Teeny bit of swearing.

He stole your fucking girlfriend. Took advantage of the fact you weren’t exactly right in the head. He can’t just get away with that kind of thing, because you are still Tony Stonem.

It’s an eye for an eye, a girlfriend for a girlfriend.

They broke her heart too of course. You aren’t really doing anything wrong. You certainly aren’t using her, not really. It’s more like you’re using each other.

So you kiss her and make sure they see it. It feels good. The look on their faces.

She tastes like vodka, chemicals and sweat.

She tastes like victory.

challenge taste
title: White
rating: PG-13
character/pairing: Cassie Ainsworth/Johnny White
author's notes/warnings: Some swearing.

He’d look good in different clothes. He looks so fucking cheap in the white nylon tracksuit, too big gold rings and chains. It can’t help him earn respect, but then the violence and killing probably does the job there. She wants to say something sometimes. She has control over him in just about every other way, but sometimes she gets scared. It’s a personal thing, isn’t it- taste? It’s not something you can just criticise and expect everything to be fine afterwards.

“I’m taking you shopping,” he grunts.

Maybe she can persuade him then, she thinks.

“Wow, lovely!” she says.

Prove it for un_love_you

2008-10-22T21:20:05Z

Characters/Pairing: Cassie/Sid
Word Count 1021
Rating: PG-15 for swearing and suggestions of self-harm
Prompt: #7 Prove It
Spoilers: For Series 2, Episode 4 - Michelle.
Notes It becomes a bit dodgy and naff at the end, sorry :/
Disclaimer: I don't own Skins :(

She wishes he’d leave her alone, but then if he did she thinks she’ll break again and she’s already been broken so many times before she’s not sure she’d be able to put the pieces back together this time.

He bangs loudly on her bedroom door, each thump making the glasses and candles on her bedside table shudder and her own heart beat more powerfully. She wants to open the door. She wants to hold him and pretend everything’s fine and dandy but she can’t because it’s a lie and she’s lied enough for one lifetime. She’d rather like to try the truth now, she’s just not sure how easy that will be.

“Open the door, Cass. Please,” he begs and all she can think is how pathetic he sounds. He always sounds pathetic, she’s just ignored it; like she’s ignored a thousand other tiny flaws in him because she loves him. There’s no real reason for it, she just does.

“I love you,” he calls in a faint voice. It doesn’t sound like he means it very much, it’s more like his last ditch attempt to get her to open the door to him. It works.

“Do you, Sid?” she asks, her voice near hysterical. “Do you really? Then prove it, Sid. Prove it to me! Would you do anything for me? Would you die for me, Sid? Because I’d die for you. I’d die a million fucking times if I thought that would everything better, if that would make you happy. Only you can’t even not fuck someone else can you? You don’t love me, you love Michelle. Lovely fucking perfect, little Michelle. You’d die for her wouldn’t you? You’d do anything for your precious Michelle. You’d stick up for her over me.” She’s crying now and talking so fast that when she finally pauses for breath she can barely catch it. She’s shaking and gasping for air and he’s just looking at her. He’s not trying to comfort her, or defend himself or anything like that he’s just watching.

She laughs, a sound that’s bitter and heartbreaking at the same time and she steps out past him, almost gliding towards the kitchen where she pulls out a knife and just holds it.

“It’s good that you don’t love me,” she tells him, her eyes fixed on the sharp blade of the knife. The way it glints under the overhead light as she twists it in her hands. It’s beautiful in her eyes, the glimmer of sharp metal. It can destroy everything or make it better, it just depends on your point of view. “It’s better because if you did love me you’d feel like I do and no one should have to deal with that.” She laughs again and finally looks up at him; an odd, mad looking smile on her face. “It’d kill you this feeling. It’s like insects crawling around under your skin, like animals scratching at you from the inside and voices in your head whispering about just what a fucking failure you are. You couldn’t handle that, Sid. You’d be better with Michelle, simple Michelle who doesn’t quite get anything beyond looking good.”

Sid supposes he should do something now, something like trying to take the knife from Cassie or to argue with everything he’s saying because he does love her, he’s sure he does but it doesn’t feel anything like what she’s saying. He doesn’t though, he just stays rooted to the spot with a frown plastered across his face.

“You’re not even arguing!” she laughs. She didn’t expect anything more from him, he has no balls. He’s ineffectual and unthreatening. Cassie thinks perhaps that’s why she loves him, because he’s supposed to be simple and easy unlike Tony or even Chris. He isn’t though; he’s the most complicated of them all because he’s lied about who he is and broken her heart by showing who he really is.

“So come on, if you love me, if you really love me you just have to do one thing, one tiny, little thing and poof just like that I’ll forget everything. I’ll forget about you fucking Michelle repeatedly, I’ll forgot about how you said nothing when she blamed me. I’ll forget about how you wouldn’t listen to me when you thought I was cheating on you. All of it, gone, a new start. What do you think?”

“Anything you want, Cass,” he replies eagerly. He’s not sure what he wants more, for her to just calm down or for them to actually try again just like she’s saying.

“I want you to never see Michelle again. She’ll be gone soon, to university, so it’ll be easy,” she says quietly, her voice quiet and calm now. Suddenly Sid isn’t sure which was the more scary, the frantic Cassie or this seemingly relaxed one.

“But…it’s Michelle,” he points out. He’s known Michelle since he was six years old, been in love with her since he was 8. She’s one of his best friends, he can’t just stop seeing her it’s not that simple. Nothing’s ever as simple as Cassie likes to think.

She shakes her head and places the knife carefully back in the drawer. It’s pointless, of course it is. She’s no match for Michelle, she never has been and she never will be, not where Sid’s concerned. Just like that it’s over and she feels nothing, because really it’s been over for a long time. The moment she saw him with Michelle it ended, because he’d got what he wanted. He didn’t need to make do with second best anymore and that knowledge changed everything between them.

“Go to Michelle, Sid,” she says and it almost sounds like she means it. She moves past without looking at him and goes back into her bedroom. That’s it, choices made. And really she isn’t sorry. She realises now that once you’ve been broken beyond repair you can’t be broken again and oddly that makes it easier. She won’t have her heart broken again, because it can only be broken the once and Sid has that honour.

cadet_cassie @ 2008-09-15T00:16:00

2008-09-14T23:18:00Z

Pass a Secret Note ✘ Meme

cadet_cassie @ 2008-08-26T20:36:00

2008-08-26T19:39:14Z

Photographic proof my boyfriend gets better looking by the fucking day!

~~His friends aren't so bad either~~

cadet_cassie @ 2008-08-09T22:13:00

2008-08-09T21:14:09Z

Made me an offer.

Couldn't refuse.

~~Maddison!verse~~

ooc

2008-08-09T20:53:11Z

Right so I've made a new verse for Cassie, because she's not allowed to have a happy, normal angst free life (not that that's ever going to happen in any of her other verses, but I wanted something different). So because I'm a bit messed in the head I'm creating Maddison!verse. Now of course since I have no idea if anyone apart from prat_by_name mun has even seen an episode of Skins you probably won't know why me shipping Maddison/Cassie is a bad thing (like worse than Cassie/Tony one of the favorite Cassie ships) so I shall attempt to explain- Maddison (aka Madd Twatter) is a bad man, he's a pimp and a dealer. Cassie knows him from when she was at the mental health clinic, he was there for paranoia and anger management while Cass was there for well a bunch of stuff really. He's also the guy that sold a bunch of drugs to Sid and when he couldn't pay mugged Jal and him and stole her clarinet.

Basically Cassie's with Maddison cos well a)she doesn't all that many options, b) she sort of lost her mind after Michelle stole Sid off her and c) I like my pairings to messed up and just plain wrong sometimes.

Also she's a prostitute, because well it's easy, she's good at it and she gets free drugs which she's allowed/encouraged to take while at work.

Also while I'm still not great at the old smut writing if anyone has an urge to send their pup to a brothel and would like to do something in this verse let me know.

The morning after RP for prat_by_name

2008-07-31T18:52:20Z

((post this and pre-series))

Cassie was still half dressed when woke up, her balck and gold dress bunched up around her hips where she'd tried and failed to undress herself. She didn't remember getting home, but then it was odder when she did remember coming home these days and her parents never noticed when she got home. She also didn't remember very much about the night before, Michelle had ditched her almost as soon as they'd arrived and gone off to find Tony sodding Stonem. Cassie couldn't see the appeal in him, he was cocky, arrogant and just generally not particularly nice. She'd found Chris though with his seemingly ever lasting stash of pills and necked a couple of whatever the hell they were and then she'd seen him just as the effects had hit. The most beautiful boy she'd seen in her life who appeared not so much to walk into the room but glide. She'd spent most of the night watching him, while Chris rambled on about how great everything would be once they were at college. She hadn't really listened to him, but she knew instinctively when to make the right noise.

She didn't remember meeting him, didn't remember anything after finally deciding to dance Chris whatever the pills Chris had given her they were good, but then they generally were.

Sitting up slowly in bed, she reached for one of a little line of pills on her bedside table and dry swallowed one, listening for a moment to see if she could hear her parents. She'd walked in on them one time too many to even leave her bedroom unless she knew exactly where they were. Satisfied they'd already gone she got out of bed, pulling off her dress and headed for the shower. She smelt of smoke and stale alcohol and something else she couldn't quite put her finger on.

20 minutes later she went back into her bedroom, searching her bag for her mobile so she could find out what the plans for the rest of the weekend were. Michelle had already texted to tell her all about Tony and to ask about 'the cute blond' but there was another unread message, one from a number she didn't know.

Chemistry for couples_therapy

2008-07-24T14:46:16Z

You blame the pills for this. The probably not so carefully blended mix of chemicals coursing through your bloodstream, reacting with the chemicals in your body to make you feel so fucking alive you could just scream. It’s the chemicals that make you so incredibly horny you’d quite happily go upstairs with anyone, but more than that, more important than that fact they’re the reason you’re currently fucking floating towards the most beautiful thing you’ve seen in your entire life despite the fact that an hour ago you had written him off as being completely out of your league because he’s just so amazing.

It’s the alcohol’s fault that the next few moments (minutes? Hours?) are a blur, but your lipstick’s smeared across his lips and you’re alone although that fact isn’t as important as it be here. Privacy doesn’t stop anyone or anything on nights like this. It must have been his idea because the way you feel right now you’d have fucked him right there on the sofa in the semi-dark room full of people because you’re all too high to give a shit. The fact he’s obviously stopped that only makes him more perfect, more special and through the haze of chemicals he’s a fucking angel come to save you from the mundane.

He refuses to fuck you, even while you’re on your knees, his hands tangled in your hair and your dress slipping off your shoulder and the only word you hear is ‘remember,’ hissed as he comes and then you’re running and crying and fucking ‘wham!’ just like that it ends, or begins, because you just met your boyfriend.

At the airport

2008-07-06T14:15:01Z

Cassie couldn't actually remember the last time she'd felt this nervous. It had seemed like a good idea at the time, inviting James to come and see her for a while. She was bored and lonely and he'd always been pretty good at getting rid of both those feelings in her. Still she'd not seen him in over two years now and things had changed. Everything had changed really.

She stood by the barriers watching crowds of people with luggage made their way past her, moving towards delighted relatives and friends. She stood on her tip toes, steadying herself on a pillar as she looked for him, suddenly panicking that she might not recognise him. She laughed at the idea, as she forced herself to relax. She'd recognise him anywhere, those cheekbones, that hair, his build. No there was no one else in the world like James Pratt.

Her stomach lept as she saw him finally. He was better looking than she remembered, even though he looked half asleep, better than Tony, better than Adam and Sid well he'd never been described as good looking by anyone. He was odd looking.

"James!" she called waving a little too eagerly and instantly regretting it. Dropping her head she kicked herself mentally and waited for him to make his way over to her taking a moment to try and get a grip. She really should have known better than to invite the most beautiful boy she'd ever met to stay with her, she was still messed up and fragile. She just hoped she wasn't so messed up that she'd fall in love with him again, she was pretty sure that was where everything in her life had gone wrong, when she'd let herself fall in love.

Email to prat_by_name

2008-07-03T14:33:46Z

Dear James

Hey James

Hey

Long time no see huh? Well okay so more long time no hear I guess, or long time no read? ~~Fuck, why I rambling so much?~~

How are you? ~~Why does that sound like the least personal question ever?~~

Bet you're surprised to hear from me, yeah? Actually I'm not even sure why I'm emailing you. It'll probably bounce back anyway. I mean this was your email address nearly two and a half years ago now. ~~You could be dead for all I know. I really hope you're not~~.

I'm in New York now. Everything back in Bristol went to hell a few months ago so I came here and I've been here ever since. It's not too bad I guess. I have a job (I'm a waitress, can you believe that?) and a place to stay but I'm really fucking lonely ~~Should I admit that? Will you think I only want you here because of that? Maybe I do? I have no fucking clue anymore~~

There's no one else see and well I'm still getting money from my parents and I was thinking ~~actually I wasn't thinking at all, that's maybe the problem~~ maybe you'd like a little trip to New York? To catch up or you know whatever. It nice here, I think you'd like it. All the bright lights and clubs and everything, it's lovely ~~When you're not all alone~~.

If you want to come, or you know just if you get this reply yeah? Just so I know how you are?

~~I miss you~~

I'll send details if you decide you fancy it okay? And we can discuss everything.

Cassie ~~Fuck I hope you remember who the hell I am~~

((Strike outs are things she deleted, italic strike outs are her thoughts))

My partner has to realise that...for couples_therapy

2008-07-01T22:40:55Z

My partner will always have to understand that I‘m not the girl I used to be. When Chris died it was like something happened. Like a switch was turned on or something and I had to get away. I ran and then when I stopped I realised I was all alone and that I had two options – take care of myself or just give up and see what happened. I didn’t want that though. I remember a time when I didn’t care what happened to me but then Chris looked after me and it was like I wanted to be more together for him. So I made my choice and stopped taking so many pills and drinking so much. When you’re in a strange city where you don’t know anyone and you don’t really have anywhere to live you need to with it to survive.

When I first met James I was quite a state, see? I was sort of happy, but that was just because I was always so high that I didn’t worry about anything and he was the same really. He’s stll that way now though. I mean he tries, he really does but well he doesn’t need to be clean because he knows I’m around to look after him plus it’s not the same for boys is it? They don’t have to be as careful when they’re on their own and he has a little flat so it’s not like he’s sleeping rough or anything. He doesn’t really have anything to change for either . It’s like I have to stay together now because I have this job and I might actually be able to change things. My life might not be quite as shitty as it has been for the past 18 years so I cling on to that fact when I walk down by Camden lock, knowing how easy it’d be to score a pill and how amazing I could feel if I did that, because if I do I’m still the same person. Fucked up, pilled up little Cassie Ainsworth and yeah sometimes I want to be that girl, the one that laughs at nothing, dances all night and has a really bloody good time but I know it won’t last. We all have to grow up sometime. James though, he doesn’t have that. I guess you could call him a bad influence, but really I don’t need a bad influence. I’m a bad enough influence on myself thanks and he tries to convince me I’m better off this way, even as we sit together not knowing what to say and feeling awkward because it’s the first time we’ve been together clean and it’s easier when you’re high. Everything’s so much fucking easier, especially when your life’s a mess and that’s what he thinks his is. So he goes out and he scores and he takes everything while I’m at work because deep down I reckon he knows that if I found anything I’d take it. So really I guess I’m not so different after all. I’m just better at pretending now, better at carrying on like everything’s fine even without the drugs which only goes to prove just how far the lies go now, because I’m even starting to fool myself.

Fuck, this really wasn’t there this was meant to go, sorry. I think maybe I’m having a really bad day or something.

Lay Down Your Pain for true_writers

2008-06-27T15:53:20Z

But you hurt
And you cried
And you're mad
And you're angry at the world
You want to tear it down
You want to pull it down, down down
Come on and lay down
Lay down, lay down your pain

Sweet little Cassie Ainsworth didn’t lose her temper. She took all the shit in her life with a pill and a grin. Until she caught Sid kissing Michelle that was. It was scary really, no one had ever seen her like this before, one moment everything was fine the next she’d slapped Sid and run off. That was only the start.

Sidney Jenkins was the only person in the whole world that could push Cassie’s self-destruct button, and in the space of a year he’d done so twice. The first time had been contained, she’d taken the anger out on herself. A bottle of pills and vodka and that was it. The second time was so much worse. That time she’d exploded and taken the whole world with her and that started with her so called friends.

During her more lucid moments after finding her boyfriend kissing her best friend she’d wonder if things would have been better if it had been someone else that had betrayed her rather than two of the most important people in her life. She rarely stayed lucid enough to get an answer to that question. When she was lucid she thought too much and so far that thinking had led to her almost breaking up Chris and Jal. She was better off if she just took another pill, another line, another bottle, another body. She wasn’t trying to drag everyone down with her, at least she didn’t think she was. She’d just finally worked out that being so fucking nice all the time got you nowhere. It was true what they said, nice guys really did finish last. So she was going to do what Michelle did, do what she wanted to do and fuck everyone else’s feelings.
It was just a shame that what she wanted to do was warn everyone that love was bullshit. It wasn’t really her fault, Chris wanted to fuck Angie still, because that was what boys did, it didn’t matter if they had the most amazing girlfriend in the world (Jal that was, Cassie knew she was shit), they still wanted to fuck everyone else. Cassie just thought Jal should know that. It hadn’t been her fault! She’d wanted Jal to know, to be prepared. She didn’t want her to feel the way Cassie felt, no one should ever have to feel that.

When Sid came back to her (god knows how many bodies and wraps later) Cassie had thought maybe things would be okay again. It wasn’t as if she was happy sleeping with everyone and taking everything offered but it numbed things, the pain and the thoughts and while she was off her head, shagging someone else it was like she could pretend she didn’t need him anymore, but none of that was true. She knew that the second he’d walked in, accusing her of far too many things that were true. He’d kissed her as she tried not to cry and just for those few moments it was as if he’d never gone off with Michelle. The moments were too few though, in the next ones he was talking about her, apologising and going to into more detail about her now ex-best friend than she ever wanted to hear from this boy that’d loved completely for over a year. The boy she’d been forced to leave just when things were looking up.

In the end that was all she could see when she was with him, the boy that had broken her heart and slept with someone else but what was worse was that she still loved him. She’d thought not being with him before was the most painful thing she could go through, but now as she lay in bed with him knowing what he’d done she knew this was so much worse.

Wishing well for true_writers

2008-06-19T16:08:21Z

“So you gonna come make a wish?”

Cassie turned slowly from she was standing gazing at the horses in the paddock opposite the wishing well where Adam had just dropped a quarter.

“What’s the point?” she asked, not moving any closer. She was still trying to work Adam out, he was too nice. She was just waiting for it to go wrong really, for him to show his true colours. She’d learnt recently that most people only pretended to be nice to get things from you.

“Come on, Cass there must be tons of stuff you want.”

Sighing, she shook her head. “Yeah there is,” she admitted, “but I’m pretty sure a wishing well isn’t suddenly going to make everything better.”

“Well you could try,” he pointed out, holding out his hand to her. “What’ve you got to lose?”

“25 cents?” she replied, as she walked towards him frowning. “Really Adam, it’s stupid. Wishes don’t come true, there’s no happy endings and things aren’t suddenly going to get better. Chris’ll still be dead and I’ll still be a shitty person.” She closed her eyes and reached out to squeeze his hand. She hated this. Once upon a time she’d believed in stuff like this. She’d have been the first one at the wishing well, dropping in money, and wishing that things were better. What was worse was she knew the exact moment she’d stopped believing in happily ever after. It was the moment she’d seen Sid kissing Michelle. Sid was supposed to be her prince, her knight in shining armour protecting her from all the bad things in her life and God knows there were a lot of those. It had taken a while, but then what fairy tale ever went smoothly? Then he’d broken her heart, she was pretty sure princes weren’t supposed to do that kind of thing, especially not to princesses beautiful or otherwise. Everything had gone to hell after that, and while she stayed with him she couldn’t look at him without seeing Michelle, the wicked witch. She’d forgiven but she couldn’t forget.

She was pulled out of her thoughts by Adam tugging her forwards towards him. “Doesn’t matter anyway,” he said quietly as he hugged her gently. “I believe in the power of this here wishing well and I made my wish for you, so you don’t actually have to make a wish.”

Looking up she raised an eyebrow at him. “You did? Really Adam, you don’t have to do stupid things like that. So what did you wish for?”

Adam grinned. “If I tell you it won’t come true.”

“It won’t come true anyway,” she pointed out, “and isn’t it just birthday wishes that applies too?”

“I thought you didn’t believe in all this magic stuff?”

“I don’t I just...” she shook her head, “you don’t have to believe in fairy stories to know all about them,” she explained.

“Well I’m not telling you,” he said, finally letting go. “And since you’re not going to make a wish hows about I see if I can find whoever deals with these horses and get one saddled up for us, huh?”

Cassie stared at him for a few moments, then at the horses behind them. “I’ve never ridden before,” she said looking a little upset.

“All you gotta do is hold on, I’ll be up there with you, okay? Used to ride all the time back home so what do you say?”

“Oh wow yeah, absolutely! That’s great, thank you Adam,” she stepped forwards quickly and kissed him on the cheek.

Maybe she’d been wrong about knights and princes not existing, perhaps she’d just believed in the wrong one.

ooc - question/help

2008-06-14T16:25:00Z

So realmof_themuse has closed, I'm guuted by this because I loved the prompts. They were inspiring for all three muses I had there (Cassie, Martha Joesna dn my newest muse Connor Temple), so I'm looking for some new writing comms to check out and since most of the people on Cassie's flist are in writing communities I was hoping you could rec me some.

Thank you!

Rate yourself - for the_bigshow

2008-05-21T22:50:30Z

a) Kick ass – Um maybe 3? I don’t know I’m kind of small see and I don’t really like fighting. I’ve only ever got into a physical fight with one person before – my ex-best friend Michelle and that ended pretty quickly when Chris shouted about how it was turning him on. So yeah I don’t have much to go on there.

b) Make love? 8 maybe 9, but I’m only going on what everyone says okay? I don’t really think I’m that great at anything but I know what they used to say about me at college, that I was great in the sack so I figure an 8 or 9 makes sense.

c) Dance? 8. I love dancing, because just for those few minutes or hours or whatever when you’re on the dance floor nothing else in the whole world matters but the music and the movements, it’s just the most brilliant feeling in the world and I think I’m pretty good at it, I can keep time and stuff at least.

d) Sing? 6. I’ve only ever sung to my baby brother Rueben to help him get to sleep and it seemed to work. He never started crying so I’m taking that as a good sign.

e) Argue? 4. I never used to argue at all. I’d just agree with everyone to keep them happy but then I worked out that really didn’t work for me being happy and I started standing up for myself. I’m not exactly great at it though, I’m not very good at giving reasons for things see?

f) Drive? 1. I don’t know, I was never really bothered about taking lessons and now I’m in New York it seems sort of pointless, I can only just afford my apartment so I can’t afford a car as well.

g) Plan parties? 9. It’s easy isn’t it? You just need to make sure you have enough pills and booze and that the music’s good enough to keep people dancing all night. Oh and making sure your parents aren’t likely to come home unexpectedly’s always a good one too. I make a wicked punch as well, so yeah I think I’m pretty good.

h) Dress? 5. I think I dress pretty well, I like to mix and match bright colours and weird patterns and stuff. I used to wear a tail coat for months which was pretty cool and I like to make my own things, and customise stuff I find in charity shops so I guess maybe you could describe my style as eclectic, but um yeah some of my old friends used to think I looked like I got dressed in the dark, so I don’t know :/

I) Take criticism? 1. I spent the best part of 2006 in a ‘health clinic’ because I stopped eating and started self-harming. I tried to kill myself when Sid stood me up to be with Michelle, I have pretty much no self-esteem and am pretty much a complete mental wreck at the moment. So yeah, not so good.

j) Cook? 6. Because I’m eating again now see, because you have to or you die and I don’t want to die anymore so yes I’m eating. I’m also living alone in New York, true it’s above the diner I’m working in and the boss is super nice with letting me take leftovers home but I can manage on cooking my own and it’s edible.

Fanfic - Water for fanfic100

2008-05-18T22:57:44Z

Characters Chris Miles/Cassie Ainsworth/Tony Stonem
Word Count 1,750
Rating PG-15

Cassie stood in the shower, letting the hot water wash away the tears. The sound of running water pounded in her ears, drowning out the sounds of her crying. In truth she wasn’t sure if she was making any noise or if she was completely silent all she knew was she couldn’t stop, couldn’t catch her breath long enough to get control. Her mind was racing and her heart beating too fast in her chest. She wasn’t doing this anymore, she’d promised herself after her little bout of self-destruction that that was it, she was going to be good. She was taking fewer pills and wasn’t sleeping with anyone but Tony, so how the hell had this happened? A few moments ago, she’d been naked on the sofa, her legs wrapped around Chris’s waist as they’d fucked, hard and fast, covered in sweat and panting. She tried to piece everything together, to find the trail back to how it had even happened, but she couldn’t. Everything was sort of a blur, they’d been sitting together watching some shitty movie, drinking vodka and Tesco’s value black current and then...had she initiated it or had Chris? She’d been resting against his shoulder, she remembered that much and then they’d been kissing, like it was something they’d been stopping from happening for months until finally they’d broken down. But was it her that had leant in or him? She shook her head, resting her forehead on the cold, mildewy tile of the shower. She felt dirty, and she doubted the shower would help with that.

“Cass? Come on I wasn’t that shit was I?” Chris called through the door, he’d already tried to open it and found it locked. It wasn’t exactly a good sign, someone you’d shagged suddenly running off crying. He wondered if he’d misread things, but the way she’d been pressed up against him, reaching over him every so often for something or other he’d just sort of snapped and the next thing he knew clothes were being pulled off and thrown across the flat. That was a good sign wasn’t it? So what had happened between their orgasms and this?

Cassie squeezed her eyes tightly shut, brightly coloured lights forming in the darkness and swirling around. It was all going to be different now wasn’t it? It’d be weird living together after this. This was the happiest she could remember being, she had somewhere to live with a person she liked, she was over Sid and she was with Tony, because he’d been there in the exact same situation as she was in. Both left for the other’s best friend. It made sense that they end up together. Again she tried to catch her breath, she shook as she held it for a second, letting it go slowly. She was overreacting really, she already knew that, she just couldn’t stop herself. This was proof that she couldn’t change, she was always going to be the girl that managed to fuck everything up and she hated that.

“Cass, come on. Please,” he continued, his head pressed against the bathroom door. He wasn’t good with crying girls, particularly not ones he’d made cry. He tried to replay everything in his head, to work out if there was a point when he should have stopped, but she was on top. She’d been the one doing all the work really. “Listen Cass, can we talk about this. At some point I’m gonna have to take a slash you know and the neighbours get really pissy when I do it outside.”

“Oi you dizzy twats, didn’t anyone ever teach you to lock your door. This isn’t exactly the best neighbourhood in Bristol,” Tony called as he let himself into the flat, looking round for Cassie or Chris. He raised a curious eyebrow at the sight at the other end of the room. Chris was curled up, naked outside the bathroom looking worried. “Interesting,” he observed, smirking at his mate. “Do I get an explanation or do I have to guess?”

Chris winced, pressing himself up against the wall as if it might offer him a bit of protection “Um…Cassie’s locked herself in the bath, I’m just trying to persuade her to come out,” he tried, very much hoping Tony wouldn’t notice the discarded clothes all around the room.

“And you’re naked because?”

Chris was about to answer when he heard the water stop and the click of the lock close to his head. Cassie had heard Tony come in, heard Chris trying to explain things. She couldn’t let him do that though, she was sure this was more her fault than his. Opening the door she stepped out, wrapped in a grey towel, puffy eyed and looking scared.

Tony looked between them both, then around the room, noticing Cassie’s skirt and knickers laying in front of the TV. “Oh,” he said simply. “You shagged my girlfriend. Fucking hell Sid shags her and she wants to kill herself, you shag her and she locks herself in the shower, Jesus am I the only one that knows what he’s doing?”

“Girlfriend?” Cassie and Chris repeated in unison.

“I thought…” Chris began, “well no offence mate but ‘girlfriend’s’ a bit of a strong term to apply to you two yeah? I mean everyone knows you only ended up together because of Sid and Michelle shagging. Not that I like have a leg to stand on here but well do you two even talk about things?”

“Is that really the point?” Tony asked incredulously, “whatever the fucking term is last time I checked I was the one going out with Cassie. Yeah, Cass?”

Cassie wasn’t sure what to say really, Chris was right. She and Tony would never have ended up together if it wasn’t for Sid leaving her for Michelle. It was stupid really, she’d taken the easy option because she couldn’t bare to see Sid with Michelle while she was still alone. She’d never liked Tony much before the accident and while he’d changed a lot since then she didn’t love him, she’d thought that was a good thing after Sid, but now she wasn’t sure. “Oh well yeah but…I mean you don’t love me right?”

“No, but what’s that got to do with anything?” Tony asked.

“Nothing,” Cassie agreed, “it’s just sort of a bit like what’s the point really? I mean it’s nice you know not being alone but maybe…” she trailed off, she wanted to look at Chris, but couldn’t bear the thought of what would happen if he looked away, if this was all too awkward. “I think we maybe jumped into things a bit fast, because we didn’t want to be alone. Only there are worse things than being alone right? Like being with the wrong person.”

“So you think Chris is the right person?” Tony asked aghast. He couldn’t believe someone would choose Chris with his tiny cock over him.

She didn’t answer, it wasn’t really her choice was it?

“Cass?” Chris asked, standing up finally, apparently not really caring he was completely naked.

She couldn’t read anything into the tone of his voice, if he was hopeful or scared or what and it drove her crazy. Cassie hated being out of control, and right now she felt completely and utterly out of her depth.

“For fuck’s sake Cassie,” Tony said irritably, “will you just make the bloody decision?”

Her eyes narrowed at that. “You think it’s really that simple?” she asked him. “You think I just pick a name and puff everything’s okay and we all live happily ever after? You think this is even my decision to make in the first place? Is everything so simple for you, Tony?”

“Well whose decision is it?” he demanded. “Looks to me like you’ve already made it anyway.” She shook his head. He didn’t even care that much, not about Cassie at least It had been fun but really it was just about sex and while he never thought he’d think like that sex wasn’t the most important thing in the world. Tony Stonem didn’t get dumped like this though, not twice!

“I didn’t, I wasn’t…” she didn’t know how to explain things even in her own head. “Look Tony I’m not making a decision but I think maybe we should just stop, yeah? It was really nice and everything but we’re never going to be in love are we? So what’s the point?”

Tony shrugged, what was the point? Other than fun. “Fine,” he said, not sounding like her cared that much. “I’ll just be off then shall I? S’ppose I’ll see you both on Friday night at the club then right?” He asked, already turning away and heading for the door.

“Um yeah, right safe,” Chris called after him, thoroughly confused by what had just happened, it had gone surprising well really.

He turned to look down at Cassie as Tony shut the door behind him. “Well he took that pretty well.”

She nodded. “Like you said it’s not like he really cared or anything, he never threatened to beat anyone up for me,” she said smiling a little up at him. Maybe she was worrying too much, maybe things would be alright and she wouldn’t have to find somewhere else to live.

“Yeah well that was a moment of madness wasn’t it?” he asked, grinning at her, “plus Sid did deserve it. But anyway, the sex it was okay, yeah?”

Cassie blushed at the question, but couldn’t stop herself from smiling. “Oh yeah totally, guess it’s true what they say about size not mattering huh?”

He hit her playfully on the shoulder then, causing her towel to come undone and slip, exposing her chest. “Oh fuck sorry!” he said quickly, attempting to shield her, but only managing to cop a feel.

Giggling she smiled more fully, before noticing Chris’s erection had returned. “Oh wow, again?” she asked, unable to stop herself.

“Again?” Chris repeated, not quite getting it for a moment. “Oh you mean again.”

“Only if you like want to?” she pointed out, wondering what had possessed her to say that in the first place. Still she didn’t have to worry about Tony now, nor Chris deciding he wanted her out of the flat, so really what harm could it do?

“’ey you don’t have to ask me twice,” he assured her enthusiastically, pushing her gently backwards back into the bathroom, a wicked twinkle in his eye.